When we had our first child, we imagined ourselves to be very evolved parents – who would work hard at their kids’ upbringing. We zealously made sure that we would nourish her body as well as nourish her mind. Much thought was given to the age when she should start school and which kind of school she should go to. Finally, she started school about a year and half ago. But in this time, we have discovered quite conclusively that the whole pre-school education system is a huge can of worms.
The school we had chosen was 12 kms away from our house. In the introductory speech given by the principal of the school, I asked him how kids cope with the distance, to which he said causally that they get used to it eventually. The first year one needs to pick up and drop the kids and then they come by the school van when they are all settled in school. But since this was bothering me a bit – it was my first child and I had no idea how kids adjust to circumstances, I asked him again when we went to meet him personally. There was not a flicker of doubt on his face when he said, all that will get settled and i should not worry. The parents are the ones who find it difficult to adapt, the kids will have no issues etc.
Apart from this, the school which had classes till XII, followed the Montessori method of teaching which is what I had wanted for our child. They said that unlike conventional schools where 40 kids were taught by one teacher, here the size of the class (or environment as they called it) was 20 and 2 teachers were responsible for it. This sounded really good to us. I have always been a sufferer of too many kids in class kind of environment and many concepts have flown right above my head because no one explained them properly to me and I was not bright enough to understand them myself. Then there were things like shloka classes, mini tennis, breakfast and lunch provided in school at a price after class 1, the discouraging of distributing chocolates and toffees on birthdays and many such happy things which we were quite pleased with. So the decision was taken. We got her admitted to this school. Which meant that we paid more than half a lakh as one time admission fees and around 35K as fee for the year. A lot of money if you ask me for a two-year old – but then, we were investing for her future. We wouldn’t have to shift her out till she finished her education. Or so we thought.
Soon several issues cropped up. We didn’t think to check the timing of the school. It started at 8.15am – which meant that our 2.3 yr old daughter had to be up at 6.30am , latest – a not so easy task for someone accustomed to waking up at 9. This didn’t seem like such an insurmountable problem. The school did give the kids time to settle down to the early timing by starting later and gradually making the start time earlier and earlier.But for us, our kid just became more and more tired as the days passed by and was not able to go to sleep any earlier either. On the other hand, we were also tired of going to drop her and then going to pick her up again – a round trip of 9-0 minutes each time. Both tasks was done by all of our extended family for a couple of months each over a period of a year. Including our not-so-young-anymore mothers. And one gent driving through peak traffic and then getting to office really late and very tired, one pregnant self, throwing up either on the way back or on the way to school. And so on. Very messy. We hired a driver, then sacked the driver. Then hired another driver. Then sacked him also. All with very valid reasons. But the turmoil in our home kept mounting.
Then came the illnesses – one after the other and our child would never get sorted between one illness and the next. The sleep deprivation and the exhaustion wasn’t helping. The frequent holidays this school gave for the pre-school kids was another deterrent for the kids to adjust to school. All told some 3-4 months of the year would be off – for some reason or the other – much more than any other preschool around. Then we learned that each class (or environment) actually had 60 kids and 3 teachers plus a couple of trainees. Very different from 20 kids and 2 teachers if one considers the noise levels in a room full of such small kids.Our kid was coming back home having learned wrong words sometimes, odd pronunciations at times – none of which again were issues which couldn’t be sorted later. But when one assumes that the child will actually get more attention individually, and it appears that no one is really supervising them, it is truly upsetting.
Finally we compounded our error by paying up for the school bus for one term just for the last three months of the year, that too for just one way – coming back from school. No monthly payment here. We were still dropping her to school. After three – four days of coming back in the bus, our little p1 started crying at odd times saying she didn’t want to come back by school bus, even when the subject under discussion was something completely unrelated. Of course, we know the theory that kids cry to get their work done. But this was a bit different. The school bus took more than hour to reach back to our place. The last 20 minutes of the journey was done alone by our child since everyone else had already got off. And she would feel sleepy and doze off only to hit her head against the metal bar of the seat. No aayah/akka/didi from the school supervised the buses even though such little kids traveled in them. Soon little p1 started saying she didn’t want to go to school itself. That did it. We stopped her coming back in the bus and I started going to pick her up every day, leaving my then 3 month old baby with my Mom.
We had to now take the tough decision of shifting her out of the school to something nearby since nothing seemed to be working out. life had become pretty bleak then. The principal refused to meet us on this subject. We were referred to the head of Montessori who said that this had never happened. It depends on kids – and most of them get used to the distance and go happily by bus. And hence they couldn’t be blamed for it. Our child was just a unique case. Baloney.
What would this mean? We would have to look for a new school and hope they will admit her after one year of going to another school. We would lose 70K of non-refundable fees. Which was a very big blow. And we would have to research, run around and race other parents for admissions in class 1 two-three years later. But since, it had to be done, we did it. And two months later, I am happy to convey that it was the best decision we ever took. The constant tiredness disappeared since this school has a flexible “in” time – when the child is rested and has eaten something between 9 and 10 – very humane I feel. The illnesses are not so frequent and they get sorted quickly. There is certainly more attention paid to the child – where the classroom is really 20 people strong. We have had to compromise on things like kids distributing chocolates for birthdays and even the school handing out toffees on special occasions but that seems to be a small price to pay when our voices are heard at least. And there were enough chocolates coming from her previous school too from parents who chose to disregard the school’s advice. There are monthly PTMs to discuss a child’s progress and issues. If I have a problem, big or small, the Principal is very approachable and it is easy to pass on a message or even talk personally to her. In our earlier school, the whole thing was a cloak and dagger affair, where “sir” would not be bothered about trivial issues like parents wanting to take a child out of the school in just a year and would not grant a meeting.
So my question at the end of my long sad tale is why did we have to lose nearly a lakh to learn what a school is, how it is run and is it okay for our child? Why must we take that decision when the child is merely 1.8yrs old and we have no idea what sort of toddlers they will grow up to be? Specially, in the case of first time parents, one just doesn’t know enough about kids. This situation would have been so for a lot of kids – I don’t think p1 is unique in that sense.
Why should children who clearly live too far away be admitted at all to the school? Shouldn’t they be refused admission on the basis of geographical proximity – at least where it concerns very young children? Shouldn’t the Principal have the interest of the child in mind rather than just collect admission fees from all the people who can give them?
Shockingly, such was the case with several more parents that we spoke with – not just in our city but in others too. Parents losing more than a lakh in the first year of their child’s education seems to be more and more common. So why exactly are parents the ones to be penalized? Having higher disposable income does not really mean that any one has that kind of money to throw away. Why should the schools be the ones to profit from all the vacant seats which they can rush to fill the following year? Why should the cost of learning be only of the parents’? Why is nobody regulating the kind of education, the environment offered by pre-schools and the kind of fees charged by them all of which are non-refundable?
In a contest between an institution and an individual, will the latter be the loser all the time?
Good post. Totally agree with you that schools have now become more more of business ventures with the businessman’s (Principal’s) only consideration being how to maximize their profits, welfare of the kids be damned.
When I came to know that p1 was all alone in the bus for the last 20 minutes or so with a driver and a conductor, I was really frantic with worry. And when she started telling you that she did not want to come by bus, I was sure something bad was happening. Thank God, I was wrong. But the point is anything could have happened, you never know these days. It was really the best decision you took to take p1 out of that school
You know, you should sue that principal (-. For making false promises.
I didn’t face such problems with my children as we, being in transferable jobs have always put the kids in some nearby play school and then subsequently in a reasonably good senior school nearby. Fortunately, they do not appear to have lost out in anything because of this.
I can certainly empathise with you. All parents quite naturally want to do the best for their children. They want the best school (whatever that means for that set of parents), least cost and least logistical headaches like dropping/picking up from school, comfortable school timings etc. Some of these goals are obviously contradictory. The best school may be far away or be too costly. So again tough choices have to be made.
In many countries, kids must go the local public school. That is the law. Fees are fixed. No monkey business there. But here also there is a catch. The quality of the school determines property prices. If Koramangala has a good public school, most probably you and I will not be able to buy a house in Koramangala. If you live in Banaswadi, house prices may be reasonable but the school quality may not be good enough. Tough luck again. But in India we have an advantage. Choice. As a parent, I can choose to put my ward in a school even 30kms away. The law does not prevent us. I would not blame a school for that. It’s like the helmet rule. No one is forcing you to wear one, but when you have an accident, you can’t hold others responsible.
The only point where I beg to differ is the approach of putting a child in a school for the entire schooling life. The child enters school around 3 or slightly earlier. All that matters is whether the Montessori system in that school is good or not. There is no guarantee that the teaching system in primary school is also as good. As a parent, you will never know how good the teachers are till your ward actually starts studying under their tutelage. So we have to constantly evaluate.
Think about it this way. Roger Federer is not playing with the coach today who coached him to his first Wimbledon title many years ago. He has had multiple coaches each one helping him along to develop different aspects of his game. When one coach cannot help him anymore or is actually hurting him (which is what happened to Roger with Tony Roche), he has to get another. What is the problem in choosing schools at different stages of a child’s life? In the same breath, Nadal has been coached by his uncle Toni from day one to this day. Rafa has won 10 Grand Slam titles. So it all depends on what really works.
On the topic of distance, I always thought the journey was way too long. But it would have been fine if she didn’t complain. But you would never know if you didn’t try. I know a girl who goes from Domlur to Headstart in Sarjapur. Her father says that she has adjusted well.
Once the huge fees have been paid, all that matters is whether the child is happy and learning. Everything else is secondary. It does not matter how much chocolate they eat and whether the learn a few swear words or not.
I also don’t think second time parents make better decisions. Just because Pragya didn’t like the bus journey doesn’t mean Pranav won’t.
Having said all this, I strongly believe that the govt has a role to play in creating a system which is fair to the schools, parents and kids. But they don’t do anything because of complicity to some extent and lack of co-ordinated resistance from parents. Maybe a PIL to regulate the schools could be a good first step.
One more thing which I forgot to mention. Anamika and I were invited by Sishu Griha to attend a session on Montessori education when the kids first joined school. The principal clearly mentioned that they don’t want govt interference in pre-school, because the govt wants to regulate all aspects of the pre-school curriculum and make teaching a rigid process.
Do you want the govt to decide what Pragya should learn?
In Delhi, one of the criteria for the school admission is proximity to the residence. They have a very evolved point system and I like it. I am of a very strong believer that nearby Bethany is better than far off NPS/Gear.. End of the day the school is governed by quality of teachers.
Amit – I would rather have Govt take some decisions like criteria/benchmarks/fees rather than individual schools.
Sad that you had to learn the hard way – and sad for your little one, as well. But managers lie, headteachers lie (or are self-deceiving) and most people are partisan towards their employment. Money rapidly skews many people’s ideals.
I’m really glad that you are out of that dreadful commute, too. I was concerned for you all, back when you were planning it, but I did rather think that maybe things are done differently in India – not to mention done differently by the current generation of mums. So I didn’t mention my doubts.
With luck, though, your littlie has learned that you will stand by her, and understand, and take action, in her hour of need.
Do you use mumsnet at all? It seems to be a really helpful source of shared advice and information here in the UK. My daughters-in-law use it a lot.
Best wishes J.